


Girl on Fire

by RevenantWings



Category: Original Work
Genre: Autobiographical poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 12:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20097517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevenantWings/pseuds/RevenantWings
Summary: One woman's dream to make it through a troubled childhood and help others.





	Girl on Fire

The girl on fire  
was not born perfect  
though she dreamed of it  
Of being a paragon  
Of helping others  
Of being more

Bullied in school  
Parents seperated  
Two baby turtles run over  
when she could have said something  
Crippling shyness  
A father who became an alcoholic for a time  
A mother depressed, sick, overworked and rightfully frustrated  
Shoes with holes in them  
hidden from overburdened parents  
A dog that drowned in the pool  
because I was supposed to be watching him  
and I didn't  
A sister who was being abused in silence  
and the resulting divorce  
A man, once trusted like a brother  
consigned to the void  
Much like the one forming inside

Anxiety, depression, anger  
All symptoms of a bad environment  
A childhood defined  
Her home life  
Collapsed in on her  
by age 14

And she was on fire

She wasn't good enough  
Would she ever be?  
A lifetime of weakness  
and shame

The anger and sadness consumed  
None could reach through the flames  
It was too much  
Could others be blamed?  
The bad people of the world did not deserve to live in it  
Is what she said to the psych her worried parents brought her to  
when she withdrew  
tired of being hurt  
She went through 4 or 5  
until  
one finally listened  
And saw who she really was inside:  
a normal girl  
full of love she did not know how to show  
With some support  
it was easy to see  
There are very few truly bad people in the world  
Bad decisions can be made by anyone  
Selfish, callous, cruel even  
And these same people  
were just as capable of good  
But some just need to be shown the way  
Maybe anger was sometimes deserved  
but kindness is more useful

By age 16  
Still on fire  
The burn of hormones  
The turmoil of high school  
Of not fitting in  
Of being gay  
She allowed her turmoil to spill out against another student  
Regret  
Some words cannot be unsaid  
We have to live with our shame  
and vow to be better

At 17  
The girl on fire was given a spark of hope  
She was shown kindness  
And she felt in her soul  
what she had always craved to give to others

A flame reigned in  
Like human nature  
Has the potential for greatness  
A flame allowed to run rampant  
Like human nature  
Has the power to destroy

The girl on fire chose greatness  
She chose to start working towards what she had always wanted  
but had always believed she was not good enough to achieve  
Her flame burned with determination  
She was not the person society deserved  
but she was going to do her best  
to save the world  
one person at a time

Lonely patients in intensive care  
Guests at the soup kitchen  
Those suffering from mental disorders  
Youth making healthy decisions  
The community  
Breast cancer survivors and their families.

A small list of those helped over the last 8 years.  
Not complete  
Not yet  
Not ever  
But a good start  
towards making the world  
a better place

At 18  
The girl on fire went to college  
and was surprised to find  
that she was respected and looked up to  
It was here that she became  
the person she was always meant to be  
the person that she really was inside  
And it was here that she found  
the greatest friend she ever had  
An additional sister

The dream was still far off  
and she was still on fire  
but the fire was determination  
and it burned blue-hot

At 20  
She went to university  
and loved it  
She burned with passion for  
the topics at hand  
Great marks, awards even  
She was on fire!  
She was going to use this information to become a better person  
and help other people

At 21  
The way was clear  
She was deliberately sure,  
for an accident while turning left  
was one of her greatest fears  
Honkhonkhonkhonkhonkhonk  
The girl on fire had made a mistake  
Only human, she could not move  
Horror  
Death  
At 21?  
So early  
No regrets  
Except for what was about to happen

Waking up  
Gunpowder cloud.  
Alive?  
Somehow worse in the moment  
but appreciated everyday.  
Help peering through the windows  
Grateful  
Ashamed

A totaled car?  
A ticket?  
A court date?  
A fine of $55 and 2 points?  
Meaningless  
A broken back?  
Everything

The girl was never truly on fire until this moment  
Unending pain  
consuming  
She refused to let go  
of her dreams  
So so she fought  
And she fought  
And she burned  
And she burned  
And she cried in the shower  
And she never gave up  
And she was on fire  
until one day her careful work came to fruition with a crack  
and the pain was manageable  
and she could stand properly

And then she continued onwards  
At 23  
She is not successful yet  
Still healing  
But she dreams of it night and day  
while she works on herself

The girl on fire was never weak  
but was once alone and angry and afraid  
resulting in mistakes  
Now I will lend out my strength  
and do what I can  
for others

The girl on fire  
is not really on fire  
In fact  
I am the flame

The girl who is the flame is not really a girl  
but a woman entire  
with loving support  
to whom I owe  
Everything

I am the woman who is the flame  
Witness me  
bright and shining

My wish is to illuminate the night  
so that you may sleep soundly  
Albeit, perhaps with some light in your eyes  
when my light hits those who would do harm  
and I lean them in the direction  
of better life choices  
like someone once did  
with me.

Rest assured I shall scorch you  
with my tongue  
if you aim for the weak  
And then I will reach out my hand  
and we will find a better solution  
than pain and hatred

But flames are not immortal  
Even the sun  
so incandescent, so powerful  
The brightest flame there is  
Will be snuffed like a match head  
When its time comes

For now I burn brightly without fear  
My fuel?  
A desire to create a better world  
When the flame goes out  
may my spark light another

And may love and kindness defy  
and blaze eternal  
With the passing of the torch  
togetherness will make us immortal


End file.
